


Choices

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Torture, Violence, it's a pretty dark one guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 06:14:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16738630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: Our lives are made of Choices. Dean has been forced to make many hard ones in his life, but one that he has always regretted is the one that lead him to lose his best friend and love of his life. By pure coincidence, another choice leads him back to her, but will Dean like the decisions she has made? Will it even matter now with the price the British Men of Letters have on her head?





	1. Never Can Fill the Void

Dean stared at the road in front of him as he took himself and Sam closer and closer to their destination. He hadn’t said a word to Sam since they had received the phone call. He hadn’t believed Mick at first. It couldn’t be her. She couldn’t have done any of the things he accused her of. He had know that girl all of her life. She would never kill another human being in cold blood. The picture Mick had sent Sam, dispelled his doubts. They didn’t have the wrong person. It was her. He would know her anywhere, even after three years, a different hair color, and shorter hair. It was his Y/N the men of letters had captured. Dean still didn’t believe she had killed anyone though. He didn’t believe she had done anything to cause the power outage in the Bunker or the one in the British Men of Letter’s headquarter either. She wasn’t a witch like the Brits believed her to be. She was just Y/N.

_“Do you ever wish things were different?” Y/N sat on one of her dad’s old cars when Dean walked up behind her. It was like she knew it was him. She always did, and Dean couldn’t help but smile._

_“Different like Sam hadn’t left last month?” Dean answered her, hopping up on the car next to her, the smile gone from his face as he thought about his little brother and how much he missed him._

_“Yeah… No. Not only that. I mean. Wish that our mom’s hadn’t died when we were kids. That we weren’t hunters. Just normal kids,” Y/N still didn’t look at him. She just stared into the air in front of her, and Dean took a deep breath. Of course Dean wished his life was different, but more than anything he wished hers was. He was the only one she let see her tears. He hated them as much as he loved that she was that comfortable with him. Dean wished for a life where she would never have to cry ever again._

_“All the time,” he confessed. Dean didn’t hate his life, but he did miss his mom. He did wish his dad would do normal things with him rather than hunting, but he took what he could get. He wished she had gotten to grow up in a normal apple pie life though._

_“So why don’t we leave?” Y/N’s eyes found Dean’s for the first time, and he saw the tears there. “Like Sam. Go to school. Go anywhere. Just the two of us. Far away from all of this.”_

_Dean sent her a sad smile, wishing to God he could take her up on that offer, but he couldn’t, and she knew that. Just like he knew she would never really leave this life or Bobby._

_“We can’t leave our dads Y/N/N. They need us,” Dean reminded her, and she nodded, a tear rolling down her cheek. Before he could think about it, Dean reached out wiping it away, rubbing his thumb against her cheek. In that moment, it was as if the world stood still. Dean stared into her eyes and she stared into his, as an almost magnetic pull drew them closer together._

Their lips met for the first time that night, and he had been hers ever since that very moment. Dean loved her, and he would do anything for her, but it seemed no matter how deep their love was, something had always been determined to pull them apart. No matter what he did, he caused her pain. Pain that he had never wanted for her.

Dean thought about that night. How he had laid her down in a back seat of one of the old wrecks and made love to her for the first time. For the millionth time in his life, Dean thought about how she had deserved better. Better than a banged up old car for the place he first showed her how much he loved her. Better than this life. Better than him. Better than all of it, but stil,l Dean hadn’t been able to break free of her.

This life was who he was, who had always been, but not her. He wanted normal, but he knew he could never have it. She could after Bobby died. There had been nothing keeping her in this life but Dean. He had known that, but he hadn’t had the courage or strength to push her away. Not for all that he had done to her, not for all the pain he had caused her. She had lost everyone and everything she loved because of him. Even Dean himself more than once. He knew he shouldn’t have kept walking back into her life. Dean always wrecked the things that he loved the most, and he had done the same to her. It had been almost three years ago since he had seen her last, when she had walked out of his life for what he had thought was for good with tears streaming down her face. Even then, with the Mark glowing on his arm, he had wanted to wipe away those tears. He had wanted to stop her and tell he that he was sorry, that he loved her and everything that had come out of his mouth while he had been a demon had been a lie.

Dean clenched the steering wheel as he recalled the night he had tried so desperately to forget. The night where Y/N had found him before Sam had. He remembered the love in her eyes as she approached him, not showing any fear even when he had revealed his black eyes to her. Even as a demon, she trusted him.

_“Dean. Don’t do that. I know that you think you want this, because it is easier, but I know you.” Y/N kept walking slowly  towards him, and somewhere deep inside of him, Dean fought an internal battle with himself. Dean hadn’t been a demon for long, but still, he had almost forgotten what struggling like this felt like._

_It would be so easy to stop her. Hurt her. Kill her even, but the memories of what it felt like to love her, even if those feelings where long gone, had stopped him. He still wanted her, but it wasn’t about love. She was still the most gorgeous woman he had ever laid his eyes on. Even if he was a demon, he couldn’t deny that had never felt better than he had when they shared a bed, or a backseat. She had been all that had kept him from going insane for the longest time, and his curious, inquisitive, demonic nature now wanted to know what kind of things her body could do to him now. Even if he wasn’t human anymore, he was still drawn to her. He still wanted her._

_So when she reached him, Dean let his eyes flash back to the familiar green, and she smiled at him before he pounced._

_A gasp left her lungs as Dean pushed her against the wall, pinning her between it and his chest. Dean watched her, but there was still no fear in her eyes, only love as she reached out to him. She ran her hands into his hair and drew him closer. No part of Dean had objected when she kissed him. He kissed her back, pulling at her clothes, desperate to feel her. All of her and she let him._

Dean cringed as he remembered how rough he had been with her that night, but that wasn’t the part he regretted the most. She hadn’t seemed hurt, not until he left the bed. Not until he had lied, trying to insure she wouldn’t follow him. The truth was, Dean had felt something that night, and it had scared him. Somewhere deep inside of him, Dean remembered what it was like to feel and be human. He remembered because of her, but he hadn’t been strong enough to go with her. He hadn’t been brave enough to let her try to help him, so instead, he had used everything he knew about her to stop her from going after him. He had told her he had never loved her. He had told her she had never been anything more than an easy lay and a hot piece of ass. She had proved herself useful to him, so he had decided to keep her around. She had been an asset, pure and simple. He had never loved her.

Dean closed his eyes for a brief moment as he recalled her crying out to him as he left her naked and broken in that hotel room bed 3 years ago, wishing with everything he had that he could take back that moment. If he could maybe, just maybe, she would still have been with him and not captured by the damn Brits because of some mistake he had driven her to make.  

_“You are lying Dean! You don’t mean that,” she screamed, forcing Dean to a halt before he walked through the door. Even as a demon, her pain cut him deeply, and it was harder than it should have been to walk out through that door._

_“Oh but sweetheart, I do mean it,” Dean replied, slamming the door closed between him and leaving his old life behind completely._

Back then, Dean had thought that had been the end of it. He had thought he had hurt her badly enough that she would never come after him again, but she had, with Sam by her side this time. Two month later, they caught him and cured him, and that was when her heartbreaking screams from that night had hit him full on for the first time. He had always done his best to protect her. He had failed more than once. He had hurt her before, but never intentionally, unlike that time.

_Dean walked back and forth past her door more times than he could count. He knew he needed to talk to her. To apologize. But he just had no idea where to even begin. He had wrecked everything there had ever been between them, and he knew he should let her go. She had told them she needed time. Dean knew he had to accept that, even if he knew he needed her. He couldn’t keep dragging her through this life with him. He had to let her go._

_“Y/N?” Dean finally knocked on her door, but the sight that met him made his heart drop. He knew she was leaving, but she had packed everything. There was nothing left in their room of hers. No sign that she had ever lived there with him._

_“I have to go Dean,” her voice almost broke as she spoke, and it felt as if a dagger had been punched through his heart. She was hurting, and it was on him. He did this to her. All of it._

_“I know. I just wanted you to know… It wasn’t true. I love you. I have always loved you. Even as… that thing. It scared me so I said what I said. I’m sorry, Y/N/N,” Dean pleaded with her as she stood with her back against him. Her shoulders fell, but she still zipped her bag before turning around._

_“I know you love me, Dee. I never questioned that, but you are not you. Not then and not now. That night made me see that. I can’t be with you. Not as long as this,” she reached out to him taking his hand and running her fingers over the Mark on his arm, “is a part of you. I want to be with you Dean, but I can’t be with someone only resembling you. It hurts too much. I am sorry, but I have to go.”_

_Dean felt all the pain and all the grief he hadn’t been able to feel for the last 3 months as he pictured a world without her. He couldn’t. She had always been with him. Ever since he was 6 years old, Y/N had been part of his life, and now she was telling him she couldn’t be anymore. It hurt beyond belief. It hurt more than any argument, beyond any time they ever spent apart, because of her calm. She knew what she needed, and Dean couldn’t not let her go. He loved her too much to beg her to stay._

_“I’m sorry, Y/N/N,” his voice were thick with emotion as he stared down at the floor between them, wishing she would stay, but knowing she was already gone._

_“Don’t say that Dean. It’s not your fault. Nothing in our messed up lives is on you,” she spoke, cupping his face in her hands, gently forcing him to look at her. “You will always have my heart, Captain. I am sorry I can’t stay.”_

_Their lips met in one final kiss. Clinging to each other, both of them wishing things were different, but they weren’t. Dean wasn’t himself, and he knew that as well as she did. No matter how hard he fought it, the Mark had a control over him that scared him. Even if it pained him to see her walk out that door, a part of him was relieved she had made the choice to do so. Dean no longer trusted himself, and as long as he didn’t, he had no place in her life. Letting her go was the right thing to do._  

Dean pulled up next to the British Men of Letter’s compound and stop the engine. He didn’t move, and neither did Sam. He felt his brother’s sympathetic gaze, but he didn’t know what to say. He barely knew how he felt.

Maybe he should have looked for her, but a year of wearing the Mark had been followed by a year of the Darkness, something Dean couldn’t put her though. He loved Y/N still, but Amara had held a power over him he never came to understand. He couldn’t bring Y/N back only to cause her more pain. Two years had passed, and Dean had told himself she had moved on, that she was better off without him. But now, three years after he had seen last her, three years since they had last kissed and he had held her, whispering their goodbyes, here he was. She was somewhere inside, imprisoned for killing three British Men of Letter. The only reason she was still alive was the fact that the Brits thought she knew something about the power surge that had happened when the three men died. They were sure she somehow caused it and one similar a little over two years ago, six months after she left Dean’s life.

The truth was that there was a lot Dean didn’t know about her anymore, but he had know her better than anyone. He knew she wasn’t a killer. He knew she had nothing to do with this, but still, there was a doubt nagging inside of him. A feeling, or an instinct that told him that he didn’t know everything. That there was more to her leaving him than she had let on, and that it somehow had to do with what happened.

“Are you okay?” Sam questioned carefully, when Dean still hadn’t moved or spoken a word after a few minutes.

“Yeah… I will be. Just… Give me a few seconds,” Dean asked, looking at his brother for the first time. The concern and care was evident on Sam’s face, and Dean forced a smile, trying to ease his brother’s mind.

“Okay. I’ll be inside,” Sam answered, patting Dean’s shoulder before getting out of the car. “We’ll figure this out. I promise.”

Dean took a deep breath as he watched Sam walk through the doors to the compound. When he was absolutely sure his brother was gone, he fished the polaroids out of his inner jacket pocket, pictures he carried with him everywhere as a painful reminder of the woman and the happiness he had lost.

A picture of them as kids sitting on an old truck in Bobby’s Salvage Yard. A picture of them from before Dean went to Hell; she was leaning against him, laying on an old motel room bed, and then there was his favorite one of them. It was taken not long after he returned from purgatory.

_“Come on Y/N! Where are we going?” Dean growled, more annoyed with how out of place he felt around everything that used to feel familiar than he was with her._

_“Nowhere and everywhere,” Y/N teased him, smiling as she took his hand, and Dean couldn’t help but be amazed by her. She pretended she didn’t see how hard the simplest of things were for him now. She never forced him to talk about how he felt like a head case or how the bed felt too soft, how dreams of running and hunting kept him on his feet when he should be sleeping. Dean wasn’t himself. Not completely. Not yet. But she didn’t care. She still saw him for who he was underneath all the trauma, and underneath all the baggage of purgatory, he was still her Dean. She reminded him of that tonight, walking hand in hand with her underneath the stars._

_Dean had been reminded how much he loved her when they were resting against an old oak that night, watching the stars together. Dean had laughed, his first real laugh  after he returned from purgatory, when she had pulled her old polaroid camera from her bag that night. She had smiled her first real smile in weeks, and Dean had held her and kissed her as she took the picture._  

It was one of the happiest moments in his life, and  Dean would like to believe that it was one of hers too. Looking at that old photograph, Dean realized just how much he missed her and how far he would be willing to go to keep her safe. No matter what she had done, no matter what had happened to her these past 3 years, he was not letting those slimy bastards hurt her. She was walking back out of here with him, or he wouldn’t be walking out at all. She had been his world, and even if she had been missing from his life for years now, she still was. She still meant everything to him, and no matter what she had done, she had to have had a reason.

Dean took a deep breath and hide the pictures back in his pocket before walking towards the doors to the compound in long strides. When he stepped inside, he instantly knew something was wrong. Sam’s angry voice carried through the area. Dean couldn’t make out what his brother was saying, but he was pissed. That much was for sure. Instinctively, Dean started running towards the sound of his brother’s voice, but nothing could have prepared him from the sight that met him as he stepped through the doors to the room where Sam was roaring like an angry bear.

Behind a glass wall was Y/N. Dean’s Y/N. Her eye was swollen, and her lip was busted. There were burns on her feet and dried blood on her arms from where knives had dug into her flesh. Dean saw red as he turned to face Mick. No matter what Y/N might have done, she did not deserve this. No matter what she could ever do, Dean would never allow anyone to have treated the love of his life like this.

Dean flew forward, and seconds later, Mick was pressed against the wall with a gun to his head. Still with Sam standing right behind him, Dean didn’t hear his brother’s words. He only knew that he was screaming, but Dean didn’t care. All he saw was a broken and bloody Y/N hidden behind the wall of glass he was holding Mick up against.  


	2. I Bet My Life

You had lost track of time. You had no idea how long you had been in this white room with a single mirror on the far wall. You also didn’t care. You just stared defiantly at the mirror. You knew it was a window and the brits that had taken you were hiding behind it, plotting your fate. All you cared about was staying alive, staying the distraction for as long as it took for them to get far, far away. You would never tell them anything.

At first, the british guy with the weird beard had tried. He talked to you, asking you questions. You never answered. You just sat there staring at him, soaking up his every word without as much as flinching. He didn’t know anything. You had nothing to fear.

Well that wasn’t exactly true. What came after the first brit was another. Clean shaven, dead eyes, and with no empathy what so ever. He beat you with your hands tied behind your back, but you kept getting back up. You placed yourself back in the chair, looking defiantly back up at him, only to let out a painful scream when he jammed the needle into your neck with a cold grin on his face.

You slipped off the chair, passing out cold on the floor cold. You had no way of knowing how long you had been out for when you heard a familiar voice calling your name.

“Y/N. Hey, Y/N/N. Come back to me baby.” Dean gently stroked your hair away from your face, making you force your eyes open.

“Dean,” you gasped as you stared into the pair of green eyes you had missed so much the past 3 years. You gasped, and your heart almost stopped for a second. “You found me. How?” you rambled as Dean proceeded to check your wounds.

“I’ll always found find you,” Dean answered almost as if nothing had happened between you , as if you hadn’t been seperated for 3 years. In that moment, you didn’t care. You threw your arms around his neck, clinging to him for dear life, and Dean hugged you back just as tightly. You’re entire body hurt from the beatings you had taken, and your blood smeared across his jacket, but you didn’t care. All you cared about was the man that you had never stopped loving was here for you.  

“Come on. Let’s get you out of here,” Dean smiled, pulling away from you a little before leaning back in, pressing his lips against yours, and you froze.

He felt different somehow, but he was still the same. Maybe it was just your mind playing tricks on you. You hadn’t been in his arms for so long, maybe you had just forgotten what it felt like. You remembered him as being more tender than that. Maybe it was just or imagination, or maybe the rougher, more demanding feel of his kiss had to do with the Mark. Maybe it was just him being angry you left like that but unable to express it to you in any other way. Still, something was holding you back. You had to make sure. So when Dean helped you back on her feet, you stopped him by grabbing his wrist and forcing him to face you again.

“Thank you for coming to my rescue, Captain,” you smiled at him, praying he would give you the right answer.

“Of course sweetheart,” Dean smiled back at you, and you fought your tears, telling yourself this could mean two things. You had no idea which you wanted it to be, but you had to know.

“I still love you, Dee,” you let out a slight sob with your words, and Dean’s expression softened as he stepped closer to you.

“I love you too, Y/N/N,” Dean spoke as he started leaning in, but just like that, you moved. You knew the man in front of you wasn’t Dean. You had no idea what or who he was but you felt sick to her stomach as you replayed the feel of his lips on yours over and over in your mind. Your fury made you stronger, and your knee collided with his crotch with immense force. The man instantly fell to the floor, moaning in pain.

“Y/N what the…” he started before you kicked him in the stomach silencing him again.

“You’re not my Dean,” you hissed before kicking the imposter again. You might not have seen Dean for almost 3 years, but you had known him all her life. Dean didn’t tell anyone that he loved them. The words were as if cursed to him, and you knew that even if he felt them they would never pass his lips, especially if he did. He was too afraid to loose the people he cared for to ever vocalize his love. “He would never say that!”

You swung your leg at his face this time, but the man grabbed your foot, pulling harshly, forcing you on your back, and within seconds, he was on top of you with his hands wrapped around your neck. The cross slowly appeared on one of his hands as his shape started to change. You struggled beneath him to no avail. You passed out just as Dean disappeared entirely before your eyes, and your captor took his place.

_“We have the entire weekend to ourselves, and this is what you wanna do with it?” Dean chuckled as you pushed the DVD into the player before turning around, rolling your eyes at him._

_“You got a one track mind Winchester,” you mocked, giving him a push so he landed on his ass on the couch._

_Dean chuckled, wrapping his hand around your wrist, pulling you down next to him. You squaled in surprise as he quickly rolled you onto your back, pinning you beneath him and kissing you breathless._

_“Not in the way you would think,” Dean whispered as he stared deeply into your eyes._

_If you had any air left in your lungs, it was gone now. You felt the tears press against your eyes as you cupped his face. Dean had never said that he loved you, and he didn’t have too. Not when he looked at you like that. You knew how he felt. Still, you could see him struggling. He wanted to tell you, but you knew he couldn’t. The last person he had said those words too was his mother, the night before his entire world turned on it’s head, the last night he was allowed to be a kid, the night his mother died and his dad changed forever._

_“You know, Mal kinda reminds me of you. Maybe that’s why I love the show so much,” you spoke softly, running your fingers through his hair, and Dean smiled, pecking your lips._

_“It that right?” Dean asked as his lips wandered down your jaw to your neck, making you gasp before you spoke again, your voice thick with lust and emotion._

_“They say a captain’s heart belongs to his ship,” you froze when Dean stopped kissing you and pushed himself up just enough to look down into your eyes._

_For once in your life, you couldn’t read him, and you felt yourself starting to panic. You were ready to compare the ship to Baby when Dean brushed your hair away from your face with the hand he wasn’t using to hold himself up. He gently cupped your cheek as he leaned in closer, his breath hot against your lips when he spoke._

_“I guess that makes you my Serenity then.”_

_Your eyes filled with tears as you wrapped your arms around Dean’s neck, pulling him down into a deep kiss, forgetting all about the show playing on the TV as you began pulling at his shirt._

_“Make love to me Captain,” you begged, making Dean chuckle slightly his hands wandered up your shirt._

_“As you wish, Serenity.”_

Soon pain and despair became all you knew. That man’s face, excruciating pain, and the world going dark. You wanted to give up, but you couldn’t. The longer you lasted, the longer the head start for them. Until it happened again.

“Hey. Jeez sweetheart. I am so sorry.” Dean’s voice sounded through your haze as the ropes around your wrists and ankles loosened. “That’s it. That’s it. Look at me. Hey,” your eyes slowly opened to the feeling of Dean’s hands on your face. He was kneeling down infront of you, smiling softly, but pain was evident in his eyes. You let out a strangled sob. You would take the pain of the knuckles, the ice water, the fire, and the beatings over this. Seeing Dean, knowing it wasn’t him, knowing that he wouldn’t come for you because he had no idea what had happened, that was worse. You weren’t sure how much more of this you could take. You weren’t sure how long you could look into the eyes of the man you loved more than you own life, knowing it wasn’t him and that you would never see him again.

As soon as you were free, your instincts took over. You kicked him in the chest, making him fly backwards. You jumped off your chair, but too late, he was already back on his feet.

“Y/N/N stop! It’s me, Dean,” the man in front of you pleaded with you as he got out of the way of your fist.

“You’re not Dean!” you hissed before swinging again, but this time the man grabbed your fist, pulling you closely against him. “Y/N it’s me!”

You kicked and screamed, desperate to get away but too weak to do anything about it. “Let me go! You’re not him. I will never believe you. So stop appearing like this. I hate you. Get away from me!”

Much to your surprise, the man released his hold on you, throwing his hands into the air, and he sprang backwards. You placed yourself in a position ready to attack should he come near you again, but he didn’t. Instead, he started talking.

“Do you remember the first night Sam and I stayed at your house? My dad left us with your dad to go take down a wendigo?” the man started, and you shook your head in disbelief.

“You have been watching us for that long? You are all sick!” you hissed at him, backing away further.

The man didn’t follow you. He just stayed in place with his hands still raised as he kept talking.

“That weekend was the anniversary of your mom dying. Bobby… you’re dad, he tried to calm you down, but you ran off into the junkyard. You were 4 years old. I was 6, and Sammy was 2. I followed you. Do you remember?” Dean asked, and tears started flowing down your cheeks as you nodded. There would be no way for them to know all of this would there?

“Dean found me hiding in an old truck,” you sobbed, and the man in front of you smiled.

“Yeah. Yeah I did. You were crying. You wouldn’t stop no matter what I did, so I told you my mom used to sing me this song when I was little and that it helped me calm down.” Dean took a step forward, but you still backed away.

“If you’re really him, if you’re Dean, Prove it,” you hissed at him, and the man looked at you sadly.

“Sweetheart, that’s what I am trying to do,” he pleaded with you, but you didn’t give. You and Sam were the only two people who knew what that song was.

“Sing it to me,” you insisted, and the man rolled his eyes in annoyance.

“Seriously Y/N?” he begged, behaving not unlike you would expect Dean too, but it still wasn’t enough.

“Sing it!” you ordered, and the man raised his hands in defense once more.

“Okay. Just remember, you asked for this,” the man sent you a small smirk, and your heart skipped a beat as he started singing, softly, and slightly off key.

“Hey Jude, don’t make it bad

Take a sad song and make it better

Remember to let her into your heart

Then you can start to make it better

Hey Jude, don’t be afraid

You were made to go out and get her

The minute you let her under your skin

Then you begin to make it better”

Dean stopped when you took a step forward. Your heart was beating a million miles per hour, and the small smile he sent you knocked the wind from your chest. You couldn’t believe it was really him. You’re entire body was shaking, and you wanted nothing more than to run straight into his arms.

“Is that enough? Did I prove I am me?” Dean asked, still staying in place, waiting for you to make your next move.

You struggled to regain control of your breathing, completely ignoring the tears that kept streaming down your face as you took another careful step towards him, remembering where your captor had failed the last time.

“It is really you, Captain?” you asked, and a huge smile spread across his face as he held out his arms, inviting you into them.

“It’s me Serenity,” his words had barely left his lips before you were across the room and in his arms. Dean instantly wrapped his arms tightly around you, holding you against his chest as you cried. “You’re safe Y/N/N. Let’s get you out of here.”

Dean smiled, cupping your face before letting you go completely, and your hands flew to hold on to his wrists.

“You came for me,” you sobbed, and Dean gently pressed his lips against yours in a chaste kiss.

“Always,” he promised quietly before pulling his spare weapon and handing it to you. “Can you move?”

Knowing what he asked of you, you nodded quietly. “I can try.”

“Stay close,” Dean ordered pulling his own weapon, before nodding to you and heading for the door. You followed Dean through the corridors, hiding when people in suits crossed your path, right up until the moment a door opened in front of you.

“Sam!” You rushed past Dean, throwing your arms around his younger brother who instantly hugged you close.

“No third degree for him huh?” Dean teased and winked at you as you released his brother. You were going to snap back when you saw the man behind Sam, and you instantly raised your gun.

“Y/N, no. Stop,” Sam stepped in front of you, blocking your shot. “Mick’s with us.”

“He is one of them!” you spat, your eyes finding Dean’s, pleading with him to see reason, but he only rested a hand on top of your gun, helping you lower it.

“I know. But he is also the one who called us here,” Dean explained. “He is going to create a distraction for us while we get you out of here. If you kill him, our job will be harder,” Dean smiled, making you glare at him.

“Fine! I trust you,” you pointed at Mick who were still looking like a deer caught in the headlights, “I just don’t trust him.”

“He is not coming with us,” Sam assured you, before nodding to Dean, doing the silent communication thing that they did, which still hadn’t stopped annoying the shit out of you. However, before you could yell at them, you felt a sharp pain shoot through your body from the wound on your arm. An electrical current rushed through your veins, and you let out a pained scream. You felt as if your body was being ripped apart from the inside, and you lost all control of your limbs, barely being able to focus on the world around you tumbled towards the ground.   

“Y/N!” Dean called out your name, catching you as you fell, preventing you from hitting the floor.

“What the hell is happening, Mick?” Sam yelled, but all you could do was cling to Dean who was trying to get you to focus on him.

“They must have put an electrolyte in her arm,” the brit answered.

“A what?” Dean looked up from you, speaking in unison with Sam.

“We use them to terminate rough operatives. They are put in when loyalty is put in question,” Mick explained, but you didn’t hear anything else, not until you felt the knife dig into your arm.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart,” Dean mumbled, and you knew he was the one controlling the blade, which put your mind somewhat at ease before your world went black again.

***

You moaned, feeling as if every part of your body had been run over with a steamroller when you started coming too. It took you a few moments to remember what had happened or where you were.

They hadn’t brought you to the Bunker but to one of your dad’s old cabins. You instantly pushed yourself off the bed, suppressing a scream of pain when you landed on your feet. You slowly made your way down stairs, clinging to the rail as you went. You could hear the brother’s arguing in the living room, and you knew you had to tell Dean the truth. Not just for her sake, but for his.

“Why the hell was she there in the first place?” Dean growled, as Sam answered him more calmly.

“There’s only one way to find out isn’t there?”

“How in the hell can I ask her that? She left never wanting to see me again, and I can’t really blame her.”

Dean sounded so tired, but you barely focused on his words. You just stayed in the doorway staring at his arm peaking out from his rolled up sleeve. Dean hadn’t seen you, but Sam had, rising from his chair and walking over to you to help you sit down.

“Y/N, you should be in bed,” Sam spoke softly, but your eyes never left Dean’s arm.

“Sam? The Mark? It’s gone?” you inquired with tears pressing against your eyes.

“Yeah for close to two years now. Are you okay?” Sam kneeled down in front of you, and you broke down crying as Dean nervously moved to squat down next to his brother.

“We stayed away for two years for no reason.”

Tears were streaming down your face, and you could see the confusion on Dean’s face.

“I’ll… I’ll go make some calls. Try Cas again.” Sam quickly excused himself from the room, leaving you and Dean alone to talk.

“Hey. Y/N/N. It’s okay,” Dean said softly, but you pulled your arm away when he tried to touch you.

“No it’s not,” you hissed, more at yourself than him, but he had no way of knowing that. You saw the hurt expression on his face when he pulled back a little, and you instantly grabbed his hand.

“I’m so sorry Dean. I left to keep her safe from the Mark. Not from you. I know I must have caused you so much pain. I never meant too,” you rambled, and Dean quickly leaned forward, pressing his lips against yours, effectively stopping your stream of words.

“It’s okay. You’re here now. Y/N, you need to slow down. Who is she? Who were you protecting?” Dean looked at you, clearly desperately trying to understand.

“I…” you stopped.

He was still a hunter. You would always bet your life on him, but for a second, you doubted if you could bet hers as well. The truth was, he wasn’t only a hunter, and he had the right to know.

“I got pregnant that night, Dean” you looked down. You couldn’t bare to look at him. “The night I tried to bring you back home. She’s a little over 2 years old now, and she was who I was trying to protect from the british assholes. I have been hiding with Garth and Beth ever since she was born.”

You stared at your hands. Dean hadn’t let go. If anything, he was holding on tighter, but you still didn’t dare to look at him. The silence in the room made it harder to breath, and the thoughts that ran through your mind were deafening. What if Dean could only see what she was? A cambion. A monster. What if he would never be able to forgive you for walking away? What if…

“What’s her name?” Dean’s voice were thick with emotion, and his words shocked you enough to look up at him. He didn’t seem angry. He was crying, but he wasn’t angry.

“Kaylee,” you answered making Dean let out a small laugh, giving you the courage to continue, “Kaylee Winchester.”

“And she’s… She’s good?” Dean asked, there was so much pain and hope in his eyes you could barely breath.

“She’s a kid. She is stubborn and smart. She is so smart Dean.” You felt the tears run down your face when you saw the proud smile on his lips. “She has powers, but she has only ever used them to move toys around and never around anyone but me, or Garth, or Beth. Not until…” your words trailed off, and you started crying.

Dean pulled you into his arms, holding you as he slowly put two and two together. “They came for Garth didn’t they?” Dean asked, and you nodded against his neck. “You tried to hold them off, but…”

“They caught him. Kaylee saw and… She flicked the man through the air. I don’t think she meant to kill him. I got the other one. I held them off so they could get away. That’s how I got caught. Kaylee is with Garth and Beth,” you cried against Dean’s neck, and he soothingly ran his hand up and down her back.  

“She protected her family Y/N. That’s not a bad thing,” Dean spoke quietly, just as Sam’s voices sounded through the room.

“I’m sure the Brits won’t see it that way. If they found Garth once they can do it again. Y/N, do you know where they are?” You looked up to see Cas and Sam standing side by side with equally worried expressions on their faces.

You looked from Sam to Cas, your eyes meeting the angel’s. “I’m not going to hurt her Y/N,” Cas swore, “regardless of what else she is, she is your and Dean’s child. Let me?” Cas stepped forward holding out his hand in offer to fix you, and you nodded.

Cas pressed his fingers to your forehead, and a warmth rushed through your body before all the pain disappeared completely.

“Thanks Cas,” you mumbled before Dean gently cupped your face again, forcing you to look back into his eyes.

“Can you take us to her Serenity? Will you let me met my daughter?” His words broke you. Tears streamed down your face as you nodded, “yes”. You threw your arms around his neck, saying the words you had sworn you would never say to him, but you couldn’t hold them back any longer.

“I love you, Dean.”  


	3. Falling Apart

Y/N always got quiet when she was nervous. That hadn’t changed one bit, and Dean was desperate to reassure her. There was nothing he could do from his place in the driver’s seat. She sat quietly next to the angel, Dean had had the good senses to call for backup, staring out of the window, so Dean couldn’t even tell her with his eyes that he loved her, and she had nothing to worry about. When he couldn’t get her eyes to met his in the mirror, his eyes moved, and Cas’ blue eyes stared back at him through the mirror reassuring him that she was fine. Cas had healed her before they even got on the road, so physically Dean didn’t have to worry about her.

The drive stayed quiet except for when Y/N spoke up to give Dean directions. Three hours later, they pulled up infront of a small cabin, and Dean jumped from the car before she had a chance to get far. He pulled her into his arms, breathing a sigh of relief when he felt her relax against him.

“It’ll be okay Serenity,” he whispered against her hair, kissing the side of her head. “I’m here.”

Y/N wrapped her arms tighter around his waist before tilting her head up to look him in the eye. “I know that Captain,” she smiled softly before standing on her toes, pressing her lips against his.

Dean’s heart fluttered with her affections. He knew he had missed her, but he hadn’t realized just how much until he had seen her again. She had been his entire world, and she still was. Breathing was easier around her.

“You wanna met your daughter?” Y/N smiled nervously, taking Dean’s hand, and he instantly gave it a small squeeze.

“Hell yeah,” he winked at her, making her laugh and look more at ease as she led them into the cabin. Dean by her hand, with Sam and Cas keeping their distance trailing along behind them. Beth was the first person they saw, her fangs were out, but she instantly turned back into her human self the moment she recognized Y/N and her guests.

“Y/N!” Beth ran across the room, throwing her arms around her. “We thought you were dead,” she fought to hold back her tears as Y/N hugged her back and Garth appeared seconds later, mouth a gab when he realized who she had brought.

“I wouldn’t have been if it hadn’t been for Sam and Dean,” Y/N admitted when Beth released her. “Hey Garth,” she smiled before she was wrapped in his embrace.

Dean let out a pretend annoyed groan when Garth moved on to him, but honestly he was just glad the kid was okay. Plus from what Y/N had told him, he owed Garth way more than a hug for helping her keep his daughter safe these past few years.

“Is she asleep?” Y/N asked Beth, who shook her head, and Y/N instantly took Dean’s hand. “You ready?”

Dean wasn’t sure if he was or if he would ever be, but he wanted more than anything to see his daughter. So he nodded quietly as he let Y/N lead him through the cabin away from the others and into a room in the back.

“Kaylee?” Y/N called out as she entered the room, “it’s Mommy.” Y/N had barely gotten the words out before a little girl sprinted across the room and jumped straight into her arms.

Dean fought to hold back his tears when he saw them together. Y/N tenderly stroked her blonde hair, humming Hey Jude to her as she rocked her in her arms. Finally the little girl looked up at Dean, and it was as if the wind had been knocked clear out of him when her emerald green eyes met his. “Daddy?”

“Yeah…” Dean’s voice was thick with emotions, as he took his daughter from Y/N as soon as Kaylee reached out for him. “Yeah I’m your daddy sweetheart.” Dean smiled through his tears, when he looked to Y/N to see tears running down her face and a big smile on her lips.

“She has seen pictures,” Y/N explained, but before she could say anything else Kaylee interrupted her.

“Mommy says you’re a hero,” she stated proudly, and Dean couldn’t help but laugh before sending a blushing Y/N a small smirk.

“Is that so? Why don’t you tell me what else Mom has told you, or you could show me your toys?” Dean suggested, and Kaylee nodded eagerly, sprinting across the room and gesturing for Dean to follow her.

“She’s beautiful Serenity,” Dean spoke softly, wrapping his arms around the mother of his child, and she instantly leaned into him.

“I’m so sorry Dean. I…” she started, but Dean just pressed two fingers under her chin and his lips against hers, effectively silencing her.

“Stop apologizing,” Dean muttered against her lips. “You’re here now. You both are. Come sit with us?” he begged, taking her hand, and Y/N’s face lit up in a smile, a smile that warmed his heart and transferred to his lips. Her happiness still meant everything to him, and he quietly led her to sit with him and their daughter.  

Dean knew they couldn’t stay, but he also had no idea where to take this child where they wouldn’t be found. The Bunker wasn’t safe from the Brits, and Cas told him she was radiating power. To be honest, he just wanted to spend time with her. Everything she did amazed him. He didn’t care what she was. She was his daughter. Not only that, she was Y/N’s daughter, and he loved them both more than he had ever loved anyone in his life. He needed to find a way to keep them safe. Maybe they could be that here. Cas and Sam had warded the place from angels and demons alike. Nothing supernatural was coming for them here.

***

Two days. Two days of getting to know his daughter, playing with her and proudly listening to the smart little girl talk. She told him about her favorite things, which was surprisingly similar to Dean’s. Kaylee sat in her Daddy’s lap watching movies and night. When she fell asleep held her close against his chest as he carried her to bed. Leaving her even for a night spend with the love of his life proved to be the hardest thing Dean would ever have to do. For two days Y/N and Dean were in love, and Kaylee was happy. For two days everything was perfect.

The attack came out of nowhere. Dean was outside alone, getting wood for the fireplace, when someone suddenly grabbed him, tossing him head first against the wall. He probably shouldn’t have been able to get up. The world around him blurred and an intense ringing started in his head, but Dean still got up. He got up to fight Arthur Ketch, whom had not only blitz attacked him, but also tortured Y/N for days. The man that wanted nothing more than to kill Dean’s daughter. No matter how badly Dean got injured, he kept getting up. Dean couldn’t allow Ketch to enter the house. Not with Y/N and his daugher inside it.

Dean didn’t recall much of the fight. He was acting on pure instinct and was driven by his need to protect his family. He had no idea how Ketch managed to get the upper hand, but it probably had to do with the minor concusion that still made him dizzy and the world around him blurry. Ketch hands closed around Dean’s throat as he struggled for air and Dean was sure this was it. Right up until Ketch suddenly fell to the ground, taking Dean with him. Sam was at his brother’s side before long with Cas, who instantly healed Dean, making the world focus before his eyes again.

Dean saw Garth and Beth running towards them only to stop instantly when they realised they might already be too late with their warning. The Brits were surrounding the cabin, but little had they known one was already there. Kneeling on the ground, screaming with his hands pressed against his ears as Y/N was kneeling next to her daughter, trying to calm the girl before she killed the man. Y/N knew he deserved it. He knew Kaylee was trying to protect her dad, but this wasn’t the life she wanted for her child. It took longer than any of the grown ups surrounding her would like, but Kaylee finally calmed down, falling, sobbingly into her mom’s soothing embrace.

“Cas,” Dean said as he rose to his feet with his brother’s help, “get them out of here.”

Icy cold terror ran through Y/N’s veins. Dean couldn’t honestly be doing what she thought he was doing. He had to know what was going to happen if he didn’t leave.

“Dean,” she pleaded, but he quickly cut her off.

He dropped to a knee beside her. “This is the only way,” he told her. “As long as we let them walk out of here, these sons of bitches are going to keep hunting us down.” He ran his fingers lovingly through Kaylee’s hair. “I don’t want that for you.” He looked back up at her. “Either of you.”

Dean dropped a kiss to the top of Kaylee’s hair before cradling Y/N’s face in his hand. He ran his thumb along her cheekbone before pressing his lips to hers in a brief kiss. He pulled away and looked into her y/e/c eyes. The corner of his mouth ticked up into the briefest hint of a smile.

“Take care of her Serenity.”

Y/N fell around Dean’s neck, clinging to him for dear life. She had just gotten him back. How could he expect her to leave him again?

“Dean….” Y/N began but was interrupted by Beth, telling them the other Brits were getting close. Dean rose to his feet, pulling Y/N with him before facing his best friend.

“Cas.” His tone was harsh, but there was an undeniable question in his voice.

Dean wanted to know that his family would be alright. He could face whatever he had to as long as he knew Y/N and Kaylee were safe.

“I’ll keep them safe, Dean,” Cas promised.

The two men nodded to one another before Cas took Y/N’s arm and began leading her away with Kaylee in her arms. The last thing Y/N saw was Dean sending her a calming smile with tears pooling in his eyes betraying his intention and Sam leveling his gun at the center of Ketch’s head. Not as soon as they were out of sight did the sound of a gunshot ring through the air, and Y/N knew the brother’s final battle had begun.

The only thing that kept Y/N from turning around and fleeing the angel to get back to Dean was the little girl in her arms, along with a faint hope Dean would come out on top. Somehow he always survived. Somehow no matter what had happened in the past, he would always find his way back to her, but a small part of her knew this time would be different.

Y/N sat in the backseat of Cas’ car as the angel sped down the road away from the cabin and the war going on around it. She soothingly shook her daughter whom’s sobs only seemed to increase by the second until a bone shattering scream erupted from her lips seconds before a ball of fire lit up the night sky, and the sound of an explosion rang through the air.

Y/N didn’t look back. She didn’t have to to know it’s origin, just like she didn’t need to go back to know what had happened. Her inconsolable daughter made that evident, and when Y/N’s tear filled eyes met Cas’ in the rearview mirror as she rocked her daughter in her arms, she saw the realization there as well.  

Kaylee Winchester was the last Winchester left in this world, and Y/N knew Cas would do everything within his power to keep them both safe, even if Y/N didn’t know how to breath in a world without her Captain. Her serenity was gone, and she would never be the same again, even if she knew she had to keep going. For their daughter and for Dean. She would always carry him with her wherever she went and he would live on in their daughter.


End file.
